I don’t understand people who choose to have pessimistic views about reality. I understand that human beings aren’t always beautiful and good. the world is evil and people do evil, ugly things. we hurt other people, most of our priorities are fucked up, and bad things will happen. but when people decide to dwell on the reality of imperfection and evil, what is there to gain? why disregard one’s ability to grow and prosper in good works, why limit your perception of love, life, and relationships on one half of reality? recognize it, beware of it, but look passed it. because it’s when you look past and forgive all of one’s evils that you can recognize beauty and you’ll likely find that state of perception to be much more pleasant than the latter.
it just sucks because more than anything I just want to be over you. I want to forget about how things used to be and be able to focus on where we are now. to get rid of all these false hopes I have of us and face reality. I need to not be stuck on you anymore, I keep ruining all my chances of being with anyone else because I always compare them to you. and they never compare, they never will compare. you were so easy and the first person I had ever really opened up to. we told each other things I would have never dared to say to anyone else. and I miss you. and the thing that sucks most is that you’re still stuck on her. I can never compete with the history of you two and I keep telling myself all these things to make it easier. like, were not together because its not the right time, because you need to get your head straight, that I shouldn’t want someone who can’t love me back the same way, I shouldn’t want someone still stuck on their ex, I don’t deserve someone like that. and I keep telling myself this to hide the fact that I just want to be her and I want you to be stuck on me, to keep running back to me, but no, you don’t and i don’t think you ever will. but still i’m stuck on you, and I hate myself for it. I just wish you weren’t so close, that I didn’t hear your name, or see your face. and I just wish that I could move on, more than anything I just want to move on.
see, you never needed me…
why can’t it be you saying these things to me? it’s always them, never you. and all I want is you. why can’t I just have what I want?
i’m too independent for my own good
and there are always those people where no matter what has happened or how long its been that if they told you today they loved you, you would open your heart and love them back.
I think a large part of relationships that are come to be when two people meet randomly or through some common medium. there are those, though, that happen when two people who have known one another for some time realize their desire for the other and this later of the two scenarios I find to be the purest and truly long lasting. I feel like in order to have someone as a true lover they must be a true friend first. when the desire to want someone in that way overshadows the need for them as a friend the necessary fundamentals of building a strong relationship become hazzy. of course I recognize that there are instances that contradict this, but on whole I don’t think anyone could argue that friendships in a relationship could be anything but beneficial. and it stems from the idea that while you’re friends with someone you can get a true judge of character on who they are without any ties of a title holding you together but simply because you value the other person. and the reason i’m arguing all of this is because I’ve been finding it very hard to make friends of the opposite sex. and its worse when you’ve never known the person before, its a fresh, new, exciting connection and people cant help but to get carried away. anytime I find someone that I can genuinely see myself getting along, it always gets complicated. people mistake their genuine likeness for someone, for having the feeling of needing to be in a relationship with them. on what terms? because you met at stranger who you find attractive and interesting and haven’t argued with yet? because you guys like to do and value the same things? because someone you’ve met has caught your attention and kept it for more than an hour? because you guys have good conversation and its easy? this isn’t what you base a relationship off of, theres a lot more to it than that in order for it to really work, to really last. there’s something about the physical aspects of a relationship that infect the truest of friendships and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of potentially good friends because they all seem to jump into wanting something more that I just can’t give someone after a month of knowing them. but sometimes after we’ve gotten all of our impulses for the other out of the way, well most of my best guy friends have come from failed relationships with them. I need someone who won’t jump into anything with me, I need someone to want to build a friendship with me first, I need to really get to know someone and then, then we can explore it elsewhere. I need to know that they will stay with me, all of me, the weird me, the sad me, the jealous me, the bitchy me, the whinny me, the happy me, the hyper me, the quiet me, the annoyed me, and the stressed out me, and I need to know that I will stay with them no matter what them I will see that day. I know first hand, the less of a true friendship I have with someone the harder it will be for me to stay around, theres nothing deeper holding me to them. kissing, hugging, cuddling, all of that is superficial easy to let go of, but friendships, those are the hardest things to walk away from.
the things that can happen and the people that you can meet are endlessly surprising if you just put yourself out there.